I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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