There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
