My hand turned me down
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
