Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
