so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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