# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
