it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
