and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
