He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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