So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
