so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
