Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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