I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
