i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
