Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
