Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
