At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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