New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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