He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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