she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
