I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
