I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
