we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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