1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
