tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
