making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
