when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
