we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
