This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
