....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
