He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
