he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You smell like stripper and shame
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
