I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
