I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
