Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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