She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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