I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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