A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
