the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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