Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize