census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
