yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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