What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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