What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
