i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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