bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
