***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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