Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize