How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
