I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
