You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
