my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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