The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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