i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Acid is not a monday night drug
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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