I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
