Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Mom said you looked used
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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