Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
