i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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