Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
