I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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