Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
