the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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