he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
